Here’s what I did in my last relationship. I picked her up and made out with her. Then later I asked if she thought that was hot. Then I mentioned I think it’d be hot if she did it to me. And she was like, sure. And then it was fine, and I could refer to it later and be like “remember the time…” to remind her it was a big turn on for me.
As for whether to tell your partner or not, I mean, of course you should. Do you want to do l&c with her? If so, then you’ve got to communicate for that to happen. I can’t imagine having a close relationship with someone without mentioning that part of myself. Let me assure you, it is definitely worth it.
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